Conversations with Singaporeans

Having lived in Singapore for 9 months now, I know full well that Singaporeans aren’t exactly the friendliest and most courteous people in the whole world.

But to be honest, I don’t expect to see these conversations with people whom I thought to be more educated and professional.

These are real-life conversations:

During a troubleshooting call to SingNet customer service:

Our internet connection was down every few minutes for the last 2 months. What they call a “24-hour hotline”, which apparently only open from 9am to 6pm, gave the following response through an answering machine:

 

“Say goodbye to any internet connection problems forever! Get fast and reliable answers at www.singnet. com.sg/smartfix “

D’oh! We don’t even HAVE any internet connections, thanks to SingNet, and we’re supposed to find solutions on a website???

At the Singapore General Hospital

A Singaporean nurse asked a few questions to a friend of mine while he was waiting to meet his doctor:

Nurse: Where are you from?

Friend: Jakarta

Nurse: How far is Jakarta from here?

Friend: about 1 hour 15 minutes by plane

Nurse: Oh, that’s quite close. How long will it take to travel here by bus?

Friend: [speechless ....]

In a food court, during lunch

My sis ordered fresh orange juice which happened to be overly sour after she tasted it. So she went back to the juice corner:

My sis: Can you add some sugar for my juice, please?

Seller: Ha? Sugar? We’re all-natural, no sugar. Sorry hah!

At home, during renovation:

Me: Can I ask your opinion?

Handyman (tukang yang ngerjain parquette gw): Sure

Me: Look at that ceiling above you (where the ceiling paints look like two different colors). Do you think it is one, or two colors?

Handyman: I don’t know Ma’am. I’m a parquette man, not a painter

In a food court, during lunch:

Me: Can I have one green apple juice please?

Cashier: $2.60 please

… So she gave some orders to the juice-maker behind her in Mandarin

… Then I noticed that the juice-maker put red instead of green apples

Me: Excuse me. I asked for green apple. She put red apples in my juice

Cashier: Ha????

… then she talked to the juice-maker in Mandarin again

Cashier: Would you like me to mix your juice with some green apples?

Me: That’s not the point. I asked for GREEN APPLE JUICE. Why can’t you make another one for me? I don’t like red apples! (starting to get annoyed)

Juice-maker (shouting from behind the cashier): Aiyahhh… next time when you want green apple you say it when you order hah!!!!

Me (very annoyed): I DID ORDER ONE GREEN APPLE JUICE!!!!

Cashier: Aiyah, sorry hah …. you did say green apple juice. My mistake …

… then she talked to the juice maker, in mandarin, to make me another juice. The juice-maker, of course, never apologized.

At home, after the solemnization of our marriage:

Solemnizer: Now I pronounce you man and wife, and this concludes the ceremony for today

… photo ops, shaking hands, ya di ya da

Solemnizer: Now you will give me ang pao as a token of appreciation

… we did prepare an ang pao for the solemnizer … but did he really have to remind us to give it to him????

- To be continued when I recall more funny encounter with Singaporeans If you have a similar story, add them in